The Coolest Five Minutes and Forty Seconds

Check this out:

Reggie Watts: "Out of Control"

If you like Bobby McFerrin, you'll LOVE this.

You can thank me later.

In Other (Surprising) News...

Turn to page 6.

Believe me, I'm just as surprised as you are. I think I spent a total of 4 hours of work on those shows.

This post has been brought to you by the Committee for Self-Promotion. All rights reserved.

Good News and Bad News

The Bad: A small spot of bleeding was discovered in my left eye during my eye exam this AM.

The Good: I'm sporting a whole new style! Check out these shades!

What do you mean this look isn't going anywhere?

Noted Sans Comment

Rep. Virgil Goode's District Office Vandalized








OK, two comments:

1. Vandalism's not cool, 'nkay?
2. Rock on!

38

President Gerald Ford passed away this week and that's very sad for his family and admirers. I don't hold any bad feelings toward the former president, but I find the laudatory overload in the media a bit much. By most accounts, President Ford was an affable and intelligent man who served his country when his country needed him. But I got two rather large problems with this man's legacy:

1. The pardoning of President Nixon was not the best thing for the country, despite what the great wise men of Washington (Broder, Woodward, et. al.) say. It may have calmed things down inside the Beltway, but it brought no closure for the rest of the country. Over thirty years after Nixon left the White House, we are still debating Nixon's conduct. By contrast, consider the OJ trial: other than the occasional celebrity sighting of OJ in some bar or shopping mall, we don't talk about that mess anymore. Why? Because there was a trial and a verdict. No matter how you felt about the outcome of that trial, our legal process was allowed to operate as intended. This allowed the country to move on. President Ford circumvented this process and set one man above the law. That's as un-american as it gets, IMHO. In this light, I don't think it's a stretch to say that Nixon's pardon encouraged and enabled the conduct of the current occupant of the White House.
   
   
2. In 1975, Indonesia occupied East Timor and killed over 200,000 people in the process. What did President Ford have to do with that? Well, he gave the government of Indonesia permission. You can read the high-level details here. You could argue that Kissinger had more to do with this tragedy than Ford, but Ford was president, not Kissinger. Ford could have persuaded the Indonesian government to go a different way, but he did not. The reasons don't matter much to me; those 200,000 dead people do. That blood stains President Ford's hands; I hope that his God is a forgiving one.
   

So, how will I remember President Ford? Fair to middlin', I guess. He may have been kind and intelligent and civil, but he made some large mistakes that still reverberate today. I guess you can say that about most presidents.

can't believe [they] got so far with a head so empty

I shouldn't care about this story at all, but since I attended an Episcopal college and have a number of friends who are members of the Episcopal church, I find myself drawn to it nonetheless. My feelings are those of sadness and resignation: it seems like bigotry and intolerance are not going to go away as quickly as some of us might like.

And to those Episcopalians who bristle at my use of the word bigot, let me ask you a question: What would you call discrimination against women and homosexuals?

Gotta Work on This...

I'm not a well-travelled fellow. Bad fellow, no biscuit!

The World:



create your own visited country map
or check our Venice travel guide

The Country:



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A Teaser!

Coming in 2007...



"Bride and Doom"

Check Out These Speculations

• Pinochet is dead. Good riddance to bad rubbish. He brought terrorism to my hometown in 1976 with the assassination of Orlando Letelier and his aide by a car bomb in downtown D.C.
  
  
• Big Box Stores scare me. I accompanied my Dad to Costco yesterday to pick up a new microwave and assorted other household items. I hadn't been in one of those kinds of stores in several years. Wow. Scary. Too many people. Too many juxtaposed items (meat not more than thirty feet away from garden hoses). Just too much. Call me old fashioned, but I'll gladly go to the grocery store, the hardware store, and the liquor store separately.
  
  
• Baking is upon us in earnest. This weekend, Sweetie mixed together about 5 batches of cookie dough which is now chilling nicely in the fridge. I experimented with my Mom's cranberry cake recipe by baking it in smaller sizes. After two batches, we figured out how to make "mini-cakes" successfully. Look for these in a holiday gift basket near you.
  

30 Questions!

It's like 20 questions, with a bonus!

1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship? Distance & Longing

2. When was the last time you shaved your legs? The last time I performed in drag... um, over ten years ago, I think.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8am? Hard at work.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? See #3.

5. Are you any good at math? Nope.

6. Your prom night? Which one? I had 4...

7. Do you have any famous relatives? I'm pretty sure that Reese Witherspoon is a distant cousin. But I'm still trying to verify that.

8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school? Hell yes. Undergrad is paid off; working on the grad.

9. Do you know the words to your MySpace song? I have no MySpace page.

10. Last thing received in the mail? Shoes from Zappos!

11. How many different beverages have you drank today? Coffee and water.

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines? Sometimes, but I try to keep them brief.

13. First concert? Billy Idol

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? Yes, right next to the sand castle.

18. Do you like the ocean? Yes

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas? Not for a while.

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium? Yes

22. Something you are excited about? Acting and Theater, Politics, History, Cooking

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO? Peach. It was my Mom's favorite during her chemotherapy.

24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive? No

25. Describe your keychain? A brass fob with the word "STAR" on it. A gift from my Mom years ago.

26. Where do you keep your change? My pocket and then our piggie at home.

27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people? I gave a presentation at the TAG Conference in Baltimore.

28. What kind of winter coat do you have? A surplus Navy pea coat.

29. What do you think of the person you copied this from? Goddess of grammar and wine.

30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? Open

"How's your boy?"

Yet another piece of evidence that our current Commander-in-Chief doesn't deserve the title.

"How's your boy?"

Mr. President, with all due respect, stop playing the folksy card. You should know how Mr. Webb's boy is doing -- you sent him over there!

Tommy versus Kramer

At my new place of employment, people have been asking my opinion about Michael Richard's implosion at the Laugh Factory in L.A. I'm not going to comment about his choice of language (which was appalling), but here are some of my thoughts about this incident:

• Mr. Richards violated the cardinal rule of performing: NEVER INSULT YOUR AUDIENCE. EVER. Once you do that, you've lost the battle and the war. Audiences behave collectively: even if some audience members disapprove of the behavior of other audience members, they will all react together. Whether that reaction entails walking out en masse or joining the heckling, pretty soon the performer will be one against many. And any military strategist will tell you that's a losing proposition. A microphone is not an adequate weapon against a mob.



• The audience members who were either heckling or simply talking amongst themselves (reports vary) should be ashamed of themselves. I'm not saying they deserved to be insulted, but they behaved rudely before Richards did. If you pay money to see a show, you should take your seat and keep quiet so the people around you (who also paid to see this show) can enjoy themselves.
  



• This incident illustrates why I can't do stand up comedy. I've tried it once or twice and failed miserably because I can't tell a joke to save my life. But I've been heckled several times over the years and I'm here to tell you that I've never experienced the kind of rage that heckling triggers inside of me. I don't want to go to their offices and make fun of them while they are on the job (a la "Seinfeld"). I want to kill them, plain and simple. So I completely understand where Mr. Richard's rage came from that night.
  

Once again, let me state that I am not apologizing for his use of a racial epithet. That was only one of the stupid things he did that night on that stage. As a seasoned performer, he should have known better than to insult the people who signed his paycheck.

Stupid or Gullible?

Sweetie and I watched last night's "60 Minutes" piece on the new book, "Tempting Faith" (segment and recap can be reached here).
As I listened to Mr. Kuo's comments, two thoughts went through my mind:

1. Well, duh.
   
2. Nice to see that gullibility is alive and well.

As a long-time secularist (but not a fundie secularist) I have been long-offended by the notion that people of my ilk were busy trashing the Christian religion. I hope this book puts that silly notion to rest. I am certain that some of us secularists view the activities of various organized religions with a measure of disdain and/or humor, but at least we haven't been conning religious folks out of their dollars and votes.

I am certain that many of my fellow secularists may think that these evangelical Christians must be dumber than a sack of hair. I disagree. What you are seeing here is gullibility on a massive scale. And I have to doff my derby to the GOP for carrying this charade on for so long. And, if there is a heaven/hell, I do hope that Ralph Reed has his own personal rack reserved.

I am also certain that some of my fellow secularists may laugh heartily at Mr. Kuo's surprise that the GOP was taking advantage of he and his fellow evangelicals. Mr. Kuo, why do you think so many of us become secularists in the first place? Whenever evangelicals raise the roof about gay marriage, abortion, or the loss of God in the schools, all I ever think about is this: What about the poor? I thought that Jesus spoke often about the poor. What happened to the notion of helping the least among us?

I once told an evangelical Christian who was busy trying to convert me that I would gladly join his congregation if they would stop talking about gay marriage and abortion and instead discuss the poor and the downtrodden. He got kind of a curious look on his face as if he had never considered those issues until that moment. I've never forgotten that encounter.

Now perhaps some of you evangelical Christians may fully understand why church and state should be separated. I think Mr. Kuo's gotten the message, at least for now.

On the Death of America

I guess I should be thankful that my Mom isn't around to see this.

My heart is broken.

God, am I in a Mood

It started on Tuesday. I'll let Arlington County Government tell you all about it:

Around 2:00 pm yesterday afternoon in the East Falls Church area of Arlington, a contractor for Dominion Virginia Power was replacing a high voltage cross arm when it fell on another high voltage cross arm, creating a large power surge in that area. Customers experienced a power surge and an 8 minute power outage.

So I spent Tuesday night and most of yesterday in a low state of panic about the electrical system of our home. The house was built in 1941 and the electrical system is probably not much younger. We still use fuses in our home, not those fancy shmancey breaker boxes that most of y'all have. Long story short, our home is fine. We replaced a few fuses and tested the outlets and such and everything is ok. We did suffer a few casualties: 3 blown surge protectors and the wireless network booster module (which was protected by one of those blown surge protectors). But our PCs and TV and various other electronics are just fine. So let that be a small lesson to y'all: invest in surge protectors.

Several posts from my friends made me begin to question my faith in my fellow man.

Most importantly, the House said it's ok for the President to torture people. I can't tell you how sad and depressed this makes me. Does anyone else care about this besides me? I'd appreciate any evidence that can be offered.

A ray of consolation was offered by my Sweetie a few days ago. She gave me this as a small present celebrating my new job. It's now stuck to my flap of my bag. Hey, it's something to lift my spirits.

A Forceful Plea

It's not often that I use this platform to ask for anything from its readership. But I am going to ask each of you to do one thing: Contact your elected representatives in congress and ask them not to pass this ridiculous "compromise" on torture. You can do it by e-mail or phone or both.

If you live in the United States of America and you love this nation as much as I do, please do this. Thank you.

When Worlds Collide...

I love it when football and my career come head to head. Norman Chad from today's column in WaPo:

Q . Redskins offensive coordinator Al Saunders has a 700-page playbook. Wouldn't you think some of those plays are designed to produce touchdowns? (Ken Alexander; Seattle)

A . The problem with Saunders's 700-page playbook is that it's not indexed. So it takes a really, really long time to find the right play.

Let that be a lesson for y'all: don't forget to index. Maybe that's why our QB stank up the joint until yesterday...

Farewell, Ms. Richards

I'm gonna miss this woman for the following reason:

Asked once what she might have done differently had she known she was going to be a one-term governor, Ms. Richards grinned.

"Oh, I would probably have raised more hell."

We need more hell-raisers these days.

While on the subject...

Ms. Lohan's recent antics have sparked a few thoughts from yours truly. Having just spent several days under lights and camera I understand that making movies is not all peaches and cream. (I much prefer the theatrical process to the cinematic one, but no matter.) And I can only imagine what it must be like to be hung over (or "dehydrated") while on set. But if the demands of being a highly paid film actor are too demanding, then please step aside and open up some opportunities for other actors to fill your "exhausted" shoes. There are several young women that were extras for "Bride and Doom" that would be more than happy to swap places with you, Ms. Lohan. And I can almost guarantee that they will show up for work, on time, sober, and prepared.

More Shooting

Spent the weekend in a funeral home shooting the final scenes of "Bride and Doom." That's me looking ever so creepy and somber in the chapel.



The work went very well; I even cracked up the cameraman during my sermon. These people have been much fun to work with, and that made my eerie discovery easier to handle.

We shared the building with two "clients", each tucked away in their own viewing room. One was a woman in her 80's who seemed perfectly at home in her satin-lined eternal bed. The other was a young man killed in Iraq. 22 or 23 years old, I think. I stumbled into his room purely by accident wile searching for a quiet place to warm up. (I don't think he would have minded a bit if I conducted my usual physical and vocal routines, but I was sufficiently spooked that I excused myself. Yes, I said "Excuse me" to a corpse. Guess my manners are lodged firmly in place.)

As the day wore on, I couldn't get his cherubic face out of my mind. I've been to funerals of young people, but there's always something disturbing about seeing such a young person lying in a casket. The mortician's touch on a young person seems to beatify them in a way that has always creeped me to the bone. And the more I thought about this poor young man and his family, the more it got under my skin. I warned several people not to go into that room, so they would be spared the awful sight.

I shared my feelings with one of the cast and she told me how one of her relatives was injured in some military training and would not be returning for his third tour. She said he is feeling despondent because he is looking forward to a career in law enforcement and this back injury might prevent him from realizing that dream. I told her about my experience at the ATF and said that there are more ways to catch bad guys than jumping out of squad cars and kicking down doors. She said that she was happy that her relative had been injured so that he has been spared that third tour of duty. "Looking at the poor young man in there," she gestured to the viewing room, "really brings it home, doesn't it?" "It makes me really angry," I responded. "Angry and sad. There's no good reason for him to be lying in there." She nodded sadly.

And then we were called for our next scene. Art, like life and war, always goes on.