Monday, September 12, 2005

My Friends Write Letters

A dear friend just sent this to Michael Brown, Director of FEMA:

Dear Brownie,

Since you didn't seem fully prepared for the last hurricane that hit our shores, I am giving you a heads up to let you know that another hurricane is headed our way.

In case you are still not watching newscasts, my local weather forecaster said that Hurricane Ophelia is predicted to hit land tomorrow, Tuesday, September 13, 2005, in South Carolina.

This would be a real good time to pre-position your people in advance of the storm's landfall. Make sure they have lots of water and food with them to help people whose homes may be destroyed. There are also lots of horses in South Carolina that may require assistance - your expertise in that area will be greatly appreciated by South Carolinians left without power and shelter.

Fortunately for you, South Carolina is much closer to Washington D.C. than the city of Louisiana. A quick glance at my United States atlas shows that you can get there by taking Interstate 95 out of D.C., south through Virginia, continuing south through North Carolina, and poof! There you are. If you need more detailed directions, Mapquest is an excellent resource. You won't even need to give your first responders two full days to get there this time.

You may also wish to call on those whose assistance you refused in the hours after Katrina hit: Venezuala, Germany, Iran and Chicago. If you feel uncomfortable accepting help from them, let me know and I will call them over my lunch hour.

Please let me know if you have any further questions. I don't expect to ever be rewarded for my efforts by hearing George W. Bush tell me I did a heck of a job, but I am still happy to help in any way that I can.

But hey, recent history shows that you're likely to receive a Medal of Honor for your performance in the Katrina disaster, so chin up!


A Concerned Citizen



lemming said...



I'll guess 18 months until the Medal of Honor.

Alison said...

Make that "Former Director of FEMA."