Well then....

It's been a while. A really long while. Needless to say, lots has been going on. Mostly good, but some not so good. I'll get to all that later.

I'm trying to resurrect my writing, so I'm taking part in The Weekend Assignment. It's a contest of sorts that was started by John Scalzi when he was working at AOL. It's a chance to flex your creativity in a short format. So we'll see how this goes. Click the picture to find out more:



2010 has already brought many changes to my life. My Father passed away in January as a result of a fall. It was quite unexpected and shocking and tragic and sad and all those other things. But my Sister and I are getting through it, one day at a time. Washington experienced the snowiest February in recorded history, which cut the number of performances of "Amadeus" almost in half. I played the title role, but that's for another post.

I'll sign off for now, but there are many more posts to come. Thanks for sticking around!

A Different Kind of Holiday Show

Over the weekend, I attended a production of "The Last Days of Judas Iscariot". I thought it was one of the most moving and sensitive portraits of Christianity I've ever seen. That title was previously held by "The Last Temptation of Christ" (book and movie), but this moved me even more.

The play consists of a trial for Judas Iscariot held in Purgatory. There are witnesses arrayed for and against, and while Judas spends most of his the play in a semi-catatonic state, he remains central and vital to what is going on around him. The question before us is simple: Can we forgive Judas? Should Judas be forgiven at all?

Not surprisingly, I found that I could forgive him. But not because of my feelings about organized religion, but because I understood why he made that choice. I won't tell you the reason, because that may spoil the play for you and I do encourage you to see a production if you get the chance.

But for now, during this season of peace and reflection and forgiveness, I choose to think not of the Light of the World, but of the man who effectively snuffed it out. Sometimes cursing the darkness is the only choice you think you have.

032401 -- 070908

Tomorrow.

Ever since I learned the court date for our divorce hearing, I haven't been able to get these lines from "Hamlet" out of my head:

HORATIO
If your mind dislike any thing, obey it: I will
forestall their repair hither, and say you are not
fit.

HAMLET
Not a whit, we defy augury: there's a special
providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now,
'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be
now; if it be not now, yet it will come: the
readiness is all: since no man has aught of what he
leaves, what is't to leave betimes?

Like Hamlet, I thought I was ready to face the end. And, like Hamlet, I find myself in a state of eerie tranquility about my lack of preparation to face the end. Despite all my confident reassurances to family, friends, and myself, I find myself both terrified and relieved by the prospect of tomorrow.

True, I'm not going to die tomorrow. And my feelings for my soon-to-be-ex-wife won't change. But I will feel different by the time the day is over. Change is difficult, isn't it? And sometimes painful.

I want to thank all of you for your support, your love, and your good wishes. I will carry them with me tomorrow and all the days to come.

"King Lear" Post Mortem

"The King is dead; long live the King."

A three-week, nine-show run is hardly enough time to adequately explore the vast yet intimate universe that "King Lear" inhabits. I'm not sure that I'm qualified to make such an exploration. All I can do, with your indulgence, is to offer a few insights into what made my journey through this play one of the more challenging experiences in my theatrical career.

First, a few observations about the production itself. Like most community theater, the technical production was hit-or-miss. The lighting was effective, the sound design engaging and evocative, the costuming adequate. (We all made jokes about the "smocks" all the men were wearing; it was like we were back in pre-school on the way to finger painting.) The group, Cedar Lane Stage, is affiliated with the Cedar Lane Unitarian Universalist Church. That means we performed in the main sanctuary of the church: a large box with two of its walls composed of glass panels, some of them tinted. As a result, we never fully went to blackout, which made scene changes difficult. The space also has poor acoustical traits; it's very difficult to find your voice in there. I didn't even bother warming up in the space because it sounded different when the space was empty than it did with audience present.

The direction and cast were very strong. But I wasn't very worried about that going into rehearsals: Shakespeare tends to bring out very talented people. I happened into this show in an unusual way: by email. The director sent me a message 4 days after I finished "An Experiment With an Air Pump" and offered me the role of Gloucester. I took a day and a half to think about it, and when I learned that a few of my friends were in the cast (all of them very talented folk) so that sealed my decision to join the cast.

At the outset, I was a bit concerned that I wasn't old enough to play Gloucester. Being 40 is one thing, but when one of the actors playing your son is four months older than you, steps must be taken. So the director encouraged me to grow a beard. It helped a bit, a bit more when it was whitened, but I never got the sense that my "look" was convincing. As a friend who came to see the show said: "You're too young to play Gloucester; the good news is you get to try again!" Maybe in a decade or so...

Of course the divorce hung over me in this production. There were too many parallels between Gloucester's journey through the play and my own journey at the moment. The only difference between G and me is that his abuse is mainly physical while mine is mainly mental. But, surprisingly I found, they were both rooted in the same emotion: shame. Gloucester's shame is three-fold: he's failed his king/country by not preventing Lear from falling into the arrogant trap he sets for himself, he's failed his legitimate son by sending him fleeing into the wilderness for his life, and he's failed his bastard son by treating him so terribly that his son betrays him. All of these failures become tangled in Gloucester's mind and vex him terribly; his torture at the end of Act 3 seems almost trivial were it not for the blood. Strangely, when I played the subsequent scenes I didn't feel that Gloucester hated Edmund; he failed him. If Gloucester had only shown him a bit more attention and a bit more love, perhaps all of this could have been avoided.

I don't think I need to tell you how many nights I have had those same thoughts about the breakup of my marriage. Hey, at least I didn't get my eyes removed!

There's really only one thing left to discuss and that is Act 4, scene 6, when Gloucester and Lear are reunited. It was an emotionally draining scene, one that was difficult to get into until we stumbled upon something remarkable during rehearsal. Lou Pangaro, the actor playing Lear and a dear friend, decided to wear a pair of boots to rehearsal one night for this scene. During the scene, Lear and Gloucester joke around with each other, allowing the audience to glimpse what their relationship must have been like long ago. And then the madness takes hold of Lear again:

KING LEAR

... Get thee glass eyes;
And like a scurvy politician, seem
To see the things thou dost not. Now, now, now, now:
Pull off my boots: harder, harder: so.

EDGAR

O, matter and impertinency mix'd! Reason in madness!

KING LEAR

If thou wilt weep my fortunes, take my eyes.
I know thee well enough; thy name is Gloucester:
Thou must be patient; we came crying hither:
Thou know'st, the first time that we smell the air,
We wawl and cry.

During one rehearsal, Lou pulled me down to the ground on his line "Now, now, now, now: Pull off my boots: harder, harder: so." He caught me completely by surprise, but I got down on my knees and groped around for his feet. I caught one of the boots and pulled -- and it came off in my hands, empty. That simple act triggered such a physical and emotional response that I bawled for twenty minutes. There, in Gloucester's hands, was the perfect metaphor for all that he had gone through. And when Lear said "Thou must be patient", I cried even harder. Because Gloucester has had enough of patience! He's spent this act trying to kill himself and he can't even do that right! At the end of this scene he wishes to be insane just like his master:

GLOUCESTER

The king is mad: how stiff is my vile sense,
That I stand up, and have ingenious feeling
Of my huge sorrows! Better I were distract:
So should my thoughts be sever'd from my griefs,
And woes by wrong imaginations lose
The knowledge of themselves.

But his lot is that he gets to feel everything that happens to him, and understand it all. Lear, by comparison, almost gets off Scot free. Lear's choices lead him to insanity, while Gloucester's lead to clarity.

The show ended last Sunday, and it took me until Thursday to get back to any semblance of normal. I'm taking some time off theater for a while, I think I've given my all for the moment. ;-)

For a more prosaic account of the show, I refer to you David Gorsline's excellent post here.

Bloody, Exhausted, Bitter, and Elated

Been a while. (I keep saying that.)

Tech week for "King Lear" is here. I've had my eyes yanked out three or four times. Walking around backstage with a stage blood-smeared face is an interesting experience.

We have signed our divorce agreement. I'll get a summons and then go to court. And then all the waiting will be over.

Dad continues to mend. He attended a Yale class luncheon and reconnected with people he hasn't seen in a long time. He is responding well to Spring and so am I. My allergies aren't nearly the bother they have been in the past.

We're still in Iraq. That makes me bitter. But I'm glad that one of my fave singer/songwriters, Mike Doughty, knows what to do with this bitterness: write a little ditty called "Fort Hood". It's off his latest album, Golden Delicious, and here's a little video he shot for it. Please enjoy it. Its infectious spirit has elated me.

First Night: Recap

Tonight began like any other show I've ever done: introductions, administrivia, scheduling (lots and lots of scheduling -- and it still isn't done yet!) and then a bit of reading. A few observations:

• Short rehearsals: our evenings will be relatively short, beginning at 7:15 and ending two to two and a half hours later. The Director said that his page limit on Shakespeare is about 10 pages. I'm of mixed mind about this: on the one hand I won't be as exhausted on a day-in day-out basis, but I really like to work in larger blocks of text. Then again, I'm not directing this production, so I guess I should just be grateful, eh?
  
• Thrust staging: the fact that I have directed in this space should serve me well. Our playing space will be bounded on three sides by audience and we'll have six entrances. Six! I'm going to make sure I have a map with me at all times so I can keep my comings and goings straight.
• Aging: the Director asked me how I wanted to handle Gloucester's age. I asked him how he'd like me to handle it. He suggested a beard. I've never had a beard before. The last time I grew facial hair of any sort it came in on the reddish-brown side. That was over ten years ago, so I'm willing to give it another try. Any suggestions from the hirsute among you (ahem, Joe) will be greatly appreciated.
• Blood: and yes, there will be lots of it!
  

I've Been Cast! Now What?

OK, so I've been cast in this great show. The first rehearsal is about 18 hours from now. So what am I doing to prepare?

Nothing.

That's right, nothing. There's no point in reading the text (and besides, it seems to be packed away somewhere and I can't locate it!) because the Director has probably made a few cuts and changes. It wouldn't resemble the original text. Now I did skim it online during lunch on Thursday, mainly to see how many scenes Gloucester has and where they are positioned in the play. Shakespeare has front-loaded this role in the first three acts. After he is blinded, he appears in a few really choice scenes but he's not onstage all the time. Which is a relief, actually. I can plan how to husband my physical resources during the performance with some actual breaks.

So now I wait to see what the Director has in store for the production.

I can't wait!

A Rededication

I've spent the last six months feeling sorry for myself. It cost me, that feeling. It cost me the trust of my boss. It cost me some sobriety. It cost me some anger, rage and fear. Lots and lots of fear. Fear of never being good enough for anyone ever again. Fear of losing my Voice. Fear of pushing my friends away.

So. This feeling, then. It sucks.

I'm sick of it.

(Notice I didn't say I'm through with it. I'm not. But at last I see a glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel.)

I'm slowly making some changes. I've said that before, yes. But this time I think if I don't change my life I may end up being afraid all the time. I can't abide that.

So. Changes, then. What sort?

Starting here, I'm going to shift the focus of this space. The subtitle mentions politics and theater. I've written much on the former and precious little about the latter. I'm going to execute a flip-flop and devote this space to my experiences with my next show, "King Lear". I'm playing the part of Gloucester, and I'm going to use this space to let you inside my process. What goes on in my head and my body as I prepare to play this great part. It's long been one of my favorites and I only hope that I can do it justice. Some of my dearest friends are in this production, so I will be working in a comfortable place. It is my hope that I can stretch myself within this "comfort zone". I hope you will find it entertaining.

As for the other changes, well, they're mine for now. I may inform you of them later. I may not. Time will tell.

As dire as the opening of this post sounds, please don't worry about me. I'm feeling better than I have in months. For the first time in my life I am anxiously awaiting the return of Spring. I used to hide from it, trapped in a fog of antihistamines and flop sweat. I'm tired of hiding from my life.

Time to make an entrance!

RIP, Bip

From Leslie Crawford's Salon piece on Marcel Marecau:

The antipathy [toward mime] is often justified. With the exception of a few rare talents, most are nothing but genetically inferior spawns, mimicking the one true practitioner. The trouble is that these watered-down Marceaus rarely get it right -- and in so doing have made mime a four-letter word. "There is," as Marceau says, "only one Marceau." Yes, he's the real thing. He has an impeccable comic sense, and knows how to make you feel, in your soul, the tragic moment. It's no accident that children are his best audiences, because his art demands active participation, imagination. His is a world fashioned out of thin air. You see a statue, a pickpocket, a matador, a lion tamer, a soldier, a man passionately embraced by his lover. Marceau's highly stylized, lyrical sketches can be light and whimsical or bitingly satiric and dark. "Marceau in our time," says New York Times theater critic Clive Barnes, "remains the supremely eloquent voice of silence and poet of gesture."

While mourning the passing of a true master of performance, I am also mourning the passing of our collective sense of wonder and imagaination. I have an audition this evening and Bip will be on my mind (and hopefully in my soul).

Theatrical Doings

Just to show you that I'm still in the game, I'm auditioning for this in two weeks.

A Poll and a Tease

So, should I audition for this or not? The director called me last night and wants me to play either The King or The Duke. Callbacks are tomorrow, so leave your opinion in the comments. Thanks!

P.S. I did serve on a Jury this week and am going to write it up this weekend. I'll post all the details (with names changed to protect the innocent) next week.

UPDATE: Just got an e-mail asking if I'd be interested in auditioning for this. Any thoughts?

UPDATE 2: Thanks for your input, but I've decided not to audition for anything at this time. I spent one whole day last week putting our team calendar together, and March is going to be very busy. I'll still support the Great American Musical, just not onstage!

In Other (Surprising) News...

Turn to page 6.

Believe me, I'm just as surprised as you are. I think I spent a total of 4 hours of work on those shows.

This post has been brought to you by the Committee for Self-Promotion. All rights reserved.

Tommy versus Kramer

At my new place of employment, people have been asking my opinion about Michael Richard's implosion at the Laugh Factory in L.A. I'm not going to comment about his choice of language (which was appalling), but here are some of my thoughts about this incident:

• Mr. Richards violated the cardinal rule of performing: NEVER INSULT YOUR AUDIENCE. EVER. Once you do that, you've lost the battle and the war. Audiences behave collectively: even if some audience members disapprove of the behavior of other audience members, they will all react together. Whether that reaction entails walking out en masse or joining the heckling, pretty soon the performer will be one against many. And any military strategist will tell you that's a losing proposition. A microphone is not an adequate weapon against a mob.



• The audience members who were either heckling or simply talking amongst themselves (reports vary) should be ashamed of themselves. I'm not saying they deserved to be insulted, but they behaved rudely before Richards did. If you pay money to see a show, you should take your seat and keep quiet so the people around you (who also paid to see this show) can enjoy themselves.
  



• This incident illustrates why I can't do stand up comedy. I've tried it once or twice and failed miserably because I can't tell a joke to save my life. But I've been heckled several times over the years and I'm here to tell you that I've never experienced the kind of rage that heckling triggers inside of me. I don't want to go to their offices and make fun of them while they are on the job (a la "Seinfeld"). I want to kill them, plain and simple. So I completely understand where Mr. Richard's rage came from that night.
  

Once again, let me state that I am not apologizing for his use of a racial epithet. That was only one of the stupid things he did that night on that stage. As a seasoned performer, he should have known better than to insult the people who signed his paycheck.

Tale of 2

I've had two auditions in the past two days. They were very different, and yet each of them left me with a similar taste in my mouth.

Audition #1
Genre: Independent Film
Location: Waldorf, MD

This was actually my second audition for this project. I won't divulge the title, but based on the sides I've read so far I would categorize this film as a very campy murder mystery. Think John Waters meets "CSI:" or "Cold Case". I've read for a forensic lab technician and a hot and bothered preacher. I get the sense that they are interested in working with me, but they have obviously not made up their minds about how they want to use me. Indecisiveness is not a quality that you run across often in this business. So half of me is amused. The other half is thoroughly irritated about driving the hour and twenty minutes from my house to the audition site. I'm hoping that they make up their minds soon so I don't have to beg off another trip.

Audition #2
Genre: Theatre
Location: Herndon, VA

This was the second night of auditions for "The Bible: The Complete Word of God Abridged". It's an improv-style show penned by the same folks who wrote "Shakespeare Abridged". Unfortunately for the company, the weather system that produced those horrible tornadoes in the Midwest over the weekend arrived in our area yesterday. There were high winds, lots of lightning, and a bit of rain and hail. (All in all, we fared much better than our Midwestern counterparts. I'm sending my good karma and thoughts to those affected.)

So I wasn't surprised that I was only the second person to show up last night. But I was surprised that I was only the seventh person to audition overall. Basically, I walked into the theater last night to find the producer, director and stage manager loitering in the lobby hoping and praying that people would show up. I dutifully filled out my audition form (that was when I noticed that I was lucky number 7), had my picture taken, and was asked if I could return on Thursday evening for callbacks (they were originally scheduled for tonight). I hope that there was a mad rush of folks after I left and the weather improved.

I'm not sure what to do about this. I'm going to the callbacks on Thursday because I never turn down an opportunity to audition. But I'm concerned that this show attracted so few people. Since I wouldn't be getting paid for this, the quality of the people involved means a lot to me. I guess we'll see what happens on Thursday.

Noises Off Review

A nice review of the show courtesy of the WaPo.

Coulda Woulda

I wrapped up a bit of stage combat work with The Arlington Players' production of "Noises Off" last night. I was brought in to help choreograph a fall down a split flight of stairs, a tumble over the back of a couch, and assorted other bits of melee. Now I myself have choreographed my own fall down a similar flight of stairs several years ago, but I had never taught this to anyone else. I consulted with several stage combat folks I know and they all said that this was a very dangerous stunt to pull off well. But I lucked out big time with the actor who has to execute the fall. He's very active in Tae Kwon Do so he really knows how to use his body. So all we had to do was map out a few logistics and break the fall up into several parts:

1. He "trips" over a box placed at the top of the first course of stairs. He can control his path down these stairs.
   
   
2. He executes a headbutt on the railing and then staggers on the landing.
   
   
3. He slips off the top step of the second course of stairs onto the butt cheek of his choice and then slides down the stairs on his back, just like at the water park.

Sounds complicated, but the whole thing takes about 8 seconds to execute.

But as I watched the latter half of the show, I realized that there was so much more I could have done to help the production. I'm not suggesting that I have the "magic touch" or anything, but there were several moments where the slapstick business looked, well, amateurish. I could have helped polish that stuff up a bit. Ah well. There's always another show!

And the Results are In!

I've decided not to audition for anything over the next couple of months, partly because of my Dad but mainly because of several timing issues. So let's run down the list:

Assassins. The big strike against this show is that it has performances over our fifth wedding anniversary. We are attempting to plan a small vacation over that time (bear with us, we're not that good at this sort of thing!), so there you go. Hugh's observation that "Assassins is timeless, and will become more popular with age" is spot on. So this won't be the only opportunity I'll have to audition for this show. It is one of my favorite shows and not just because of its subject matter.

Company. Another timing strike against this one. The early May performance dates absolutely terrify me because that's when my allergies kick into warp drive and render my voice all but useless. Unless someone's got some real good suggestions on how to sing such a difficult show while battling nasal and upper respiratory allergies, this one's out. And that's too bad because this show has got some really good music. (I did get a weird feeling when I read that audition information sheet, so that was another strike against this show.)

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? So that leaves this classic. Yes, I'll probably audition for it come the spring time. And yes, Alison, I'll gladly audition for the role of Nick because I find small parts like that fascinating. I really enjoyed playing Mitch in "Streetcar" several years ago because it was a chance to do some interesting work without the pressure of being one of the leads (although I welcome that kind of pressure in the future!). I imagine that Nick will offer a similar experience, just more intense. And if I hope to play George someday, then I had better have at least one production under my belt.

Thanks for all of your comments! It was fun reading your responses to this poll. And Hugh, this'll be in the Lab Theater. Sheesh...

Theatrical Poll Time

Tommyspoon should audition for...?

Assassins

Company

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Leave your response in the comments.

The Coming Attractions

Ok, now that I'm about a month out from starting rehearsals for "Hauptmann", I'm going to use this blog as a laboratory of sorts. I've always wanted to "research" my own acting process and I think "Exit, pursued by a bear" will provide a satisfactory outlet.

So, beginning next week, I'll try to pull back the curtain on my acting process. I will warn you that some of what I write may not make a lick of sense to anyone but me, but such is life. You can participate in this process by leaving comments or sending me an e-mail. I will endeavor to answer any and all questions that you submit.

Should be an interesting ride! Hope you'll hop on!

You've Got to be Carefully Taught (or not)

Just because I love theater doesn't mean I can't find a few things wrong with it.

Read this. I'll wait.

My problems are as follows:

• These are high school kids. This is a high school production. Nobody's making any money off of this. The integrity of "Big River" has not been compromised. Leave them alone!
  
• "To ignore the racial component of Huck Finn does a disservice to the story." Um, no it doesn't. Actually, the reverse-casting helps make Mark Twain's points: that Jim and Huck are equals and that racism is crap.
  

Theater, unlike literature, TV or film, is not a static art form. It is a living, breathing enterprise that must adapt to its surroundings and conditions. If you follow the logic of R&H's argument there would be no black actors in any production of a Chekhov play. That's a disgusting thought.